Chocolate Kisses.

I figured the name of these biscuits was appropriate for the second most important upcoming holiday, Valentine's day. Pancake day being much more exciting, obviously. I don't know why they're called chocolate kisses, but that's what the recipe book (this one, if you're interested) tells me. I've made these bad boys about 30 times, they disappear in a matter of hours every time - whenever I get my scales out my boyfriend's ears prick up and I hear 'are you making chocolate kisses?' I have adapted the recipe to suit my tastes - they're now much softer, cakier, chocolatey-er and most vitally, bigger than they should be. I'm going to give you the adapted version, because why would you not want them softer, cakier, chocolatey-er and bigger?

Look at the BUTTERCREAM.

Ingredients

• 115g Stork
• 80g caster sugar
• 1 egg
• 1tbsp milk
• 3 tbsp cocoa dissolved in 3tbsp boiling water
• 225g self-raising flour
• 1tsp baking powder
• As many chocolate chips as you feel is appropriate

Method

1) Preheat your oven to 170c, and line a baking sheet (or two) with baking paper.

2) Get a big bowl, and beat together the butter and sugar, same as all other baking, yadda yadda yadda.

3) Add in the egg, milk and cocoa mush (this mush will look incredibly appealing, don't eat it. It's not very nice). Beat them together, but not too vigorously or you'll only end up covered in the stuff.

4) Add in the flour and baking powder, and mix together. You want a sticky dough which will get all over your hands, but that will hold its shape. If it's too wet add a little more flour, if it's too dry add more milk. Little at a time people, little at a time.

5) Finally, stir in all your chocolate chips.

6) Drop vaguely spherical blobs of it onto the baking tray. The recipe says it makes 24, but I disagree. I get 20 nice big ones. Bear in mind they'll expand as they bake, so give them a bit of room. 

7) Whack your biscuits in the oven for 12 minutes - turn them round at the 6 minute mark if you have an oven as uneven and temperamental as mine.

8) Take them out and let them cool for 10 minutes or so before transferring to the wire rack. They'll be extremely soft when you first take them out, so don't be tempted to handle them 'til they've cooled a little or they'll only fall apart. Like I said, they're cakey.

9) When they're cooled, sandwich them together with an unhealthy amount of chocolate buttercream (see below for recipe). You might have leftovers, but this only means you haven't used enough buttercream.

10) Eat them. I recommend pulling them apart, licking the buttercream off and eating the biscuits. My boyfriend prefers the 'cram them in as fast as possible' approach.

Buttercream Ingredients

• 200g icing sugar
• 100g softened butter (not gonna lie, I just use Stork)
• 2 tbsp of cocoa

Method 

1) Beat the butter until it's soft and creamy, it'll make it a lot easier to incorporate the icing sugar. 

2) Add the icing sugar and cocoa, and mix. You'll probably get it all over yourself (or you could wear an apron. See below) but just go with it. It'll also look like it's not going to incorporate but it'll get there eventually!

3) Taste it (very important step) and decide if it needs more cocoa or not.

My handmade apron. Proudest thing I've ever done.

Fluffy Vanilla Cake

This cake is absolutely beautiful. I've adapted it from the Hummingbird vanilla cupcake recipe, which means it's ridiculously soft and fluffy. This fluffiness means you might have a bit of trouble getting it out of the tin, so it's really vital to grease, line, grease again and use a tin with a removable bottom. Or you'll end up digging it out with a fork bit by bit, which doesn't sound like as much fun. Don't question the use of mayonnaise in the recipe, it's the secret ingredient. Would I lie to you?

Ingredients

• 240g self-raising flour
• 240g caster sugar
• 1.5 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 eggs
• 240ml milk
• 2tbsp mayonnaise
• 80g Stork
• 1.5 tsp vanilla extract

Method

1. Preheat oven to 190c (170c if you have a fan. Don't want burnt cake now, do we?). Grease and line two cake tins thoroughly (I use 8”) and set aside. Seriously, if you skip the lining step I will be mad.
2. Get a nice big bowl. Beat the Stork and sugar together until nice and creamy.
3. Beat in the eggs and the vanilla extract. Try not to get any shell in it, though it's not the end of the world and 99 % of the time my cakes have egg shell in them. It's fine.
4. Add flour, salt and baking powder (don't overuse the baking powder, it'll make it sink) and mix to form a dough which in no way, shape or form resembles a cake batter.
5. Add milk and mayonnaise and stir in until incorporated. Beat for a few minutes until smooth and airy.
6. Pour into prepared tins - make sure the bottoms are on firmly, I learnt to do this the hard way - then bang them down on the worktop to get rid of air bubbles. 
7. Bake in the middle of the oven for 25 minutes, or until they look done. Remove from the tins after 10 minutes or so of cooling. They will be crumbly, but try and get them out in one piece if you can. Don't worry if bits of the edges come off, either glue them back on with icing when you do that stage, or just eat them. No prizes for guessing which method I choose.
8. When completely cool, ice. Sandwich the two layers together, then dollop the rest of the buttercream on top of the cake. Smooth it all down the sides, and then level off on top. 
9. Add sprinkles! I cannot stress how important this step is. 

Buttercream Ingredients

• 450g icing sugar
• 150g softened butter (not gonna lie, I just use Stork)
• Milk – add a splash at a time until you reach a nice thick, spreadable consistency
• Food colouring  (a few drops should do it, but it depends what you use)
• Sprinkles or other form of pretty decoration

Method 1 - by hand (denser)

1. Sieve the icing sugar into a big bowl (it's an important step, just do it you lazy bunch). 
2. Stir in the softened butter as much as you can. Don't worry about it when your hand slips and you end up covered in a cloud of icing sugar. Happens to the best of us. Well, me.
3. Add milk until it's a nice thick, smooth consistency. Add the food colouring, and beat for a few minutes.

Method 2 - mixer (lighter)

1. Sieve the icing sugar into the mixer. Add the softened butter and whack the mixer on on a low speed until they're incorporated - it should be sandy.
2. Add the milk bit by bit, mixing in between additions.
3. When the consistency looks about right, add the food colouring, whack it on full and leave it for about 5 minutes. This will get loads of air into the buttercream and it'll be super light and fluffy. You'll also need to use less because it will increase in volume. You can store the leftovers in the fridge (I don't know how long for, but a long time. I've had some in the fridge for about 3 months, I don't know if it's still alright though and I daren't try it). 

Let me know what you think!

Ultimate Chocolate Cake.

Sorry I've been MIA for like, the last week. I had a ridiculous amount of work to do for uni: I had to write up company profiles for 12 lingerie brands and compare them and stuff. That doesn't sound like too much, I know.

I ended up with 55 pages and 15000 words. I'm only a second year, I did so not sign up for this! Kidding, it was alright - I'd rather be looking at pictures of pretty, ludicrously expensive bras and suspender belts than writing up a report on critical path or something equally THRILLING. I also got to play on Photoshop and make pretty cover pages (the boyfriend was clearly loving our living room floor at this point).

ANYWAY, on to the real point of this post. I present you with my recipe for the Ultimate Chocolate Cake (capitalisation 100% necessary). It is my own recipe, honed to perfection, so if you change any of it I'm going to have to come round and beat you. It's the perfect mix of rich, chocolatey, gooey, cakey-ness and you need to go and make it pretty much now. I don't have any photos of the method because when I'm making it I'm far too excited for it to be done so I can stuff it in my face, so there is no time for artful photography. It's also ridiculously simple so if you can't follow these instructions without photographic help you should probably stick to boxes of cake mix, sorry.

I should also probably mention that you are unlikely to ever eat anything else with this much sugar in it. I won't tell you how many calories are in one slice ...

Ultimate Chocolate Cake

Ingredients

• 220g self-raising flour
• 350g caster sugar
• 90g cocoa
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt

• 2 large free range eggs
• 200ml buttermilk
• 110g butter, melted
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract

• 100ml medium strength coffee

Method

1. Preheat oven to 170c (I think I have a fan oven. If you don't, best do it at about 190c). Grease and line two cake tins and set aside. The lining might seem like an unnecessary extra step but all you need to do is cut out two circles and stick them in the pan, and it'll make your life so much easier when they come out the oven. I use these 8 inch pans - I have 4. I love them. I like 8 inch pans because I prefer a slightly taller cake with a smaller diameter. 
2. Okay, onto the baking. Stir together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. Don't be tempted to add more baking powder to make the cake rise more - it doesn't need it with the self raising flour, it's a big-ass cake anyway. And it could actually have the opposite effect and make it sink. It also might seem like there's a lot of salt but it cuts through some of the sweetness and brings out the chocolate flavour. 
3. Add eggs, buttermilk, melted butter and vanilla and beat for a couple of minutes until smooth. If you don't want to buy buttermilk just add a splash of lemon juice or white wine vinegar to regular milk and let it stand for a few minutes. 
4. Stir in the hot coffee slowly until smooth and completely incorporated. Don't worry, it won't make the cake taste of coffee, it just brings out the chocolate flavour and makes it all moist (mmm) and amazing.
5. Pour batter evenly between the two pans and bake on the middle rack of oven for 30-35 minutes, until a skewer comes out clean. 
6. Allow to cool for 5 minutes in the pans, then remove and allow to cool on a cooling rack. I like to flip them upside down to cool because they'll have undoubtedly formed a dome shape whilst cooking and this flattens it out a bit (alternatively you can slice off the dome bit and eat it. Yum). 
7. When completely cool, ice (see below). Sandwich two layers together on a plate - or cake stand if you're posher than me - with a healthy amount, then dollop the rest of the frosting on top of the cake. Smooth it all down the sides, and then level off on top. I also use a damp cloth to wipe the excess stuff from off the plate - I am extremely messy. I don't bother trying to smooth it all out, I like it when it looks messy and swirly. 
8. Cut a slice and devour like your life depends on it. 

Buttercream Ingredients

• 400g icing sugar

• 150g softened butter (not gonna lie, I just use Stork)

• 75g cocoa

• Milk – add a splash at a time until you reach a nice thick, spreadable consistency.

Method 1 - by hand

1. Sieve the icing sugar and cocoa together into a big bowl (it's an important step, just do it you lazy bunch). 
2. Stir in the softened butter as much as you can. Don't worry about it when your hand slips and you end up covered in a cloud of icing sugar. Happens to the best of us.
3. Add milk until it's a nice thick, smooth consistency. Beat for a few minutes.

Method 2 - mixer

1. Sieve the icing sugar and cocoa together into the mixer. Add the softened butter and whack the mixer on on a low speed until they're incorporated - it should be sandy.
2. Add the milk bit by bit, mixing in between additions.
3. When the consistency looks about right, whack it on full and leave it for about 5 minutes. This will get loads of air into the buttercream and it'll be super light and fluffy. You'll also need to use less because it will increase in volume. You can store the leftovers in the fridge (I don't know how long for,  but a long time). 

Mmmm.

Enjoy.